


Chasm [Podfic]

by farkenshnoffingottom



Series: Ipseity [Podfic] [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dishonesty, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV Alternating, Podfic Length: 1-1.5 Hours, Podfic Length: 30-45 Minutes, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-06-07 01:40:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15208046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farkenshnoffingottom/pseuds/farkenshnoffingottom
Summary: "Steve pulls his missing, presumed dead best friend into his circle of super heroes and starts working to undo the physical and mental damage Hydra has done.It’s not easy, and it’s not pleasant. But it would probably be a lot more effective if Bucky weren’t keeping secrets, and if he could figure out how to interpret Bucky’s mood swings."A podfic of SkyisGray's fic "Chasm"





	1. Invalid

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SkyisGray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyisGray/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Chasm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2062218) by [SkyisGray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyisGray/pseuds/SkyisGray). 



> Okay, so hi folks, welcome back to this series! I love this series, and I love this work, and I'm so happy to be working on it again. Huge thanks to SkyisGray for permission to podfic, and for spending the time and effort to write this in the first place <3  
> I was planning to post on Mondays, but then that didn't happen, so now it's Saturday, and I'll try to post a new chapter each week on Saturday. I'm disabled and depressed, so I'm doing my best to make progress on this, but please forgive me if I don't actually stick to this schedule. (I've never really posted on a schedule before, because my ability at a certain time is always unpredictable, but I'm going to try it, and I hope it works out!)  
> I would love to hear any feedback you have for me :)  
> (Also, ao3 was being weird, so this posted twice, and then I had issues deleting the duplicate, so anyway it lists this as part 3 in the series (but only in some places? idek), when really it's part 2, just fyi)

Word count: 77,288

Author's note (or part of it anyway): This is the sequel to Chyetirye, and it presumes that you’ve read that story. If the torture and non-con tags weren’t your cup of tea, however, I’m going to do a “Here’s what you missed last week in Ipseity":

Bucky survives his fall from the train thanks to the knockoff super soldier serum he received while Zola’s prisoner, and he’s captured by a joint Department X/Hydra science division. He’s abused and neglected while under Karpov’s care, and he (and his captors) gradually become aware that he’s not always himself. They learn that Bucky has developed an alternate persona known as Axel, a crafty German prisoner.

Bucky/Axel is transferred to the Red Room, a division of Department X, and Lukin realizes that Bucky is immune to the brainwashing techniques that should turn him into an obedient soldier. Instead, he tortures Bucky with the intent of creating a third personality which can be ‘raised’ into the perfect Soviet super soldier. Yasha isn’t what they expect, however, because he’s pacifistic and naïve, so they use the same techniques to create a fourth personality. When the asset emerges, he scares everyone, including Lukin and Bucky.

The personalities develop ways of communicating in their mind, and they grow and influence each other through the decades. They all share an affinity for Steve, even the asset, and they start to work together to achieve common goals. They’re sold back to Hydra when the Soviet Union falls, and they come to America under the mysterious persona of the Winter Soldier. Learning that Steve is still alive changes everything, and they make a push for freedom to watch over him and protect him from Hydra.

Bucky and Steve gradually come closer to reuniting, but Bucky fights against it, believing that he needs to protect Steve from the blood on his hands and the taint in his mind. Before they can take back ground in their relationship, however, Bucky’s damaged metal arm starts to fail, and blood poisoning sets in from the broken and malfunctioning metal pieces in his body.

Author's tags: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Post CATWS, Stucky - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Negative self-image of mental illness, Mentions of torture and sexual assault, Dishonesty, Switching Points of View, Mentions of self-harm

Chasm is part 2 in the [Ipseity](https://archiveofourown.org/series/118750) series

  


Chapter 1 length: 40:43

Chapter 1 is available on Google Drive ([mp3](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1DNXGTfkTvp0d-PcJdiFJcH4ssr4QN1yy/view?usp=sharing)) ([m4a](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IlaS1MLv1MdUMIU8ROX3K4Pvsupn0Tjh/view?usp=sharing))


	2. Threat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-chapter announcements *doo do do do do do doooooooo*: 
> 
> \- Apologies for my terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad Russian. It certainly doesn’t sound very convincing or carry the attitude Bucky says it with, but I tried. Also, I’m really sorry, but I probably pronounced some of the target names wrong. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone, but if I did, I’m sorry.
> 
> \- About half way through, the volume drops a fair amount, but it doesn’t get louder again, so you can safely turn the volume up. I recorded the second half a different day, and apparently didn’t quite get the proximity to the microphone right 
> 
> \- I just started taking Testosterone, but I recorded this chapter before that (and editing just took me forever whoops), so nothing has changed in this yet, but my voice will sound a little different whenever I get the next chapter up. My asset voice is gonna be so good though. I have resonance and that deep rumbly growl I’m going for. I’m so excited for that in the next chapter tbh
> 
> \- I forgot to say the chapter's name when I was recording. Maybe I'll fix that at some point *shrugs*
> 
> \- See the end notes for my dramatic ramblings about why I love this story so much

 

Chapter 2 length: 1:02:44

Chapter 2 is available on Google Drive ([mp3](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Kz-Hkat8QwpSCbqceejkBPkGicGrl6aj/view?usp=sharing)) ([m4a](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZjzgiIXMsPKWQMc_k73tZZCCF1yDlTZ-/view?usp=sharing))

 

 

 

 Author's Note (or part of it anyway) with some potential spoilers under the line:

* * *

 

"As promised, the personality credits. All scenes not listed feature Bucky.

Yasha - Shows up when Bucky has a flashback during an interrogation

Axel - Sketchbook writing

Asset - Tablet scene, then fight/kiss at end"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You were thinking of me like a problem that needs to be fixed, and you were wondering how much fixing I got today."
> 
> One of the things I love most about this story (and there are so many amazing attributes to choose from) is the way it challenges the idea that a “cure” is always what’s best for someone and is the only path to be taken. Bucky’s fear for his brothers comes through so clearly in the first work in this series, in all of his reasons for not going to Steve. And Steve just reinforces it all the time, by telling Bucky they’ll fix him, heal him, make everything go back to normal. And that’s not what Bucky wants or needs to hear, but Steve is so consumed with this idea of getting rid of the disability instead of building accommodations so it’s not a disability. Bucky is fine with his headmates as they are, and if the people around him can be fine with them too, then it doesn’t need to be a problem. I love how this story addresses that, and how you can see it even when Steve’s the narrator, even if Steve can’t recognize Bucky’s (and Axel’s and Yasha’s and the asset’s) fear and protectiveness for what it is. Like… Bucky DOES NOT WANT TO BE HEALED. And Steve, like most of our society, can’t even fathom the concept that someone would accept their 'condition,' because they can’t see a disability as anything but a ‘crippling’ and ‘life-destroying’ thing, when it doesn’t have to be. I’m not saying it’s rainbows and glitter. It sucks. But a huge part of the reason it sucks is because people refuse to build spaces (physically and culturally) that are actually accessible to us, so the choices are be cured (unlikely) or be an outcast. Bucky and co choose to run away because the reality of being alone in the world except for each other at least leaves them some agency with how they live, compared to staying with people who do not understand or accept any of this, and force Bucky to lose himself. Steve is so focused on what he wants from Bucky that he's not hearing what Bucky wants for himself. Also, like, this fucking quote. Bucky sees it. And I'm so grateful to SkyisGray for seeing it and making it such a huge part of this work. Honestly, it's so well done.
> 
> This has been a meta/rant from your local podficcer


End file.
